just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
