I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
