Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
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I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.