You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature