I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
