Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.

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  (949): Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing. http://tfl.nu/xh2g
  Replies (11) Good night (2895) Bad night (921)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.

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  (740): i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/qqa2
  Replies (26) Good night (978) Bad night (2755)
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  (951): View more from California

  I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to

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  (951): I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to http://tfl.nu/92t1
  Replies (24) Good night (1204) Bad night (4878)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts

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  (716): i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts http://tfl.nu/g5xn
  Replies (44) Good night (5163) Bad night (1074)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

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  (586): conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features. http://tfl.nu/gno1
  Replies (15) Good night (6010) Bad night (1054)
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  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

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  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10712) Bad night (1198)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.

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  (610): Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other. http://tfl.nu/3et0
  Replies (6) Good night (2990) Bad night (1122)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god

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  (662): I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god http://tfl.nu/z3js
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (1474)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!

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  (616): I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS! http://tfl.nu/eric
  Replies (4) Good night (1702) Bad night (501)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork

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  (917): When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork http://tfl.nu/bkbb
  Replies (12) Good night (781) Bad night (566)
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  (925): View more from California

  We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.

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  (925): We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act. http://tfl.nu/ttjq
  Replies (3) Good night (1649) Bad night (555)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.

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  (612): It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected. http://tfl.nu/ebyi
  Replies (4) Good night (922) Bad night (339)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.

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  (720): Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag. (303): This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two. http://tfl.nu/02n3
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (343)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm

  (1+61): View more from

  At least it wasn't your drinking arm

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  (+61): In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm (1+61): At least it wasn't your drinking arm http://tfl.nu/wwzo
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me

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  (610): Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me http://tfl.nu/c3kb
  Replies (2) Good night (546) Bad night (332)

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