i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.