The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.