He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
