well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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