guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
