I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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