I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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