you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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