Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize