Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
