This is not my ceiling
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
