So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
two words: eviction party
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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