Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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