Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dear god my vagina.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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