I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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