I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
BRING THE BAGELS
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
