when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
