loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
