I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
