I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
