just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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