Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
