I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
