My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
