i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
