can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
