hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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