I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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