You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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