tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
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