Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
