If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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