I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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