I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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