whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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