Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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