You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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