My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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