a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
