He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
