Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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