You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
