I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
