Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
