but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
