Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
