Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
