Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize