They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
