Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
