around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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