If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
