I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
