i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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