No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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