I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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