Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
