nut hugger
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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