dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
