New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His hands were made for my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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