can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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